


Sleepless Night

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-01-25 04:56:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21350590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: It's a bit restless in the mindscape and some sides are having trouble.
Series: Sanders Sides [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594594
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of my previous Sanders Sides stuff!

Virgil lay in bed, looking up despondently at the ceiling. The soothing voice in his headphones told him to breathe in deep, feel your fingers and toes, what they’re touching, whether it’s soft or cold, then to move up your arms, legs, body. Usually these meditation tapes helped him settle down, he’d got them with the gift card Logan had given him. Tonight, it just wasn’t doing it, it was just making him realize his feet were cold, no matter the position his arms didn’t seem to fit right, and his pajama bottoms were staticky, clinging to his legs. He kicked off the covers with a sigh.   
Remus was at it again. That could have something to do with it, he supposed, though he hadn’t been nearly as afraid of him ever since Logan had totally schooled him. Patton was doing great at ignoring his antics too, last time it had been like the world’s worst game of tug of war between those two, with Virgil’s fear just adding to the chaos. Now they were both looking the other way.   
Of course, Remus had tried to trap Virgil in the subconscious and had been banished back to his room since then, so it made him a little edgy that he’d evidently managed to slip the locks. Of course, he was creativity, so Virgil had expected him to get back out first. Not to mention he probably had meant the least amount of harm of any of the dark sides in their little coupe. He’d probably just been bored and looking for some outlet for all his energy, since Thomas wasn’t putting it into anything. Maybe Remus just needed a decent hobby, give him something productive to do so he wouldn’t be such a bother.  
It was kinda funny, Mi was a whole lot madder about Virgil nearly dying than Virgil himself was. He understood why they’d done it, tried to take over. He didn’t like it, but he got it. They were tired of being ignored, being told they didn’t exist, being outcasts. The only one who’d really meant harm was Despair. The others were just following along hoping they’d get some recognition out of it. He could understand that, after all, he’d done the same thing, once. The one good thing was he wasn’t nearly as afraid of any of them as he used to be, which seemed counterintuitive, but he knew his own strength now. He knew he was capable of defeating them and defending himself. Knowing that made them all a lot less scary.  
He groaned, rolling over and fumbling for his phone, turning off the audio book. What was he doing awake? He wasn’t anxious, well, not any more than he normally was. Not the spiraling panicked anxiety that dragged Thomas down with him, not even the there’s a project we need to work on right now even though it could reasonably wait until morning since the due date is two weeks away kind of anxiety. He just… couldn’t sleep.   
He glanced down at his phone, idly scrolling through a few apps, frowning as he saw the green dot next to Logan’s name, meaning he was online. No way, he was the one who’d come up with their sleep schedule that was supposed to provide Thomas with the perfect balance of REM cycle sleep and blah blah, he’d stopped listening after that. But why was Logan deviating from the plan? Especially one he tried generally to enforce?   
He’d have to go see, and that meant walking down the hall. He let out a muffled groan against his pillow. Right now, the halls were Remus’s territory, running amuck trying to get a rise out of them or Thomas in his sleep. It seemed he couldn’t just pop into Virgil’s room anymore, which was welcome, but going out there was kinda like walking through a haunted house. Except the horror could be anything from all your friends dying in front of you to your parents having sex. Whatever. Time to pull a welfare check on Teach.   
He took a steadying breath before opening the door, stepping into the hall, and closing it firmly behind him. No chance of Remus sneaking in and laying in wait for him in his room. He started walking calmly down the hall, using his breathing to keep his heart rate steady. Remus was a bit like any predator, in that way. If prey ran, he’d chase. If you showed fear, he sensed weakness. Probably picked the last one up from Mi, Virgil half smiled at that.   
“Well, little mouse come out to play, I see?” Mist flooded the hall and a giant spider’s silhouette appeared in a lightning flash. In the next flash it held a squirming Patton, who screamed as the spider bit off his head, then tore him apart limb by limb. Virgil rolled his eyes.   
“That’s over the top, even for you. Could you stop being so melodramatic, for once?” He commented, folding his arms and smirking. To his surprise, the fog cleared and the spider vanished, leaving only Remus standing in the hallway, matching his scowl.   
“Where’s the fun in that? I have to have some flair you know, it’s all about presentation.”   
“It’s also about plausibility. First of all, Pat would never come out of his room with you running around, especially after his encounter with Wrath. Secondly, if there were a giant spider lurking about, Roman would be the one chasing after it like an idiot.” Remus snorted at that, not trying to cover his wicked grin.   
“You got me there, Virg. Maybe I should add some explosions. Oh, or cannibalism might be good! What about Joan eating Talyn? Or would Talyn eat Joan? Which is more likely, do you think?” He asked excitedly, and Virgil had to restrain himself from face palming.   
“Don’t call me Virg. My friends get to call me Virg. You do not.” He ignored the questions, refusing to dwell on them. Remus’ eyes widened.   
“We’re not friends? But I missed you lots, buddy! It’s so boring on the other side with you and Dee gone.” Virgil raised an eyebrow.   
“You tried to drown me in the subconscious. I nearly faded away to nothing.” Remus waved a hand.   
“Ok, not my best plan, I’ll admit, but you know I’m impulsive! Besides, the look on your face when that tentacle grabbed you! You were so surprised, it was priceless!” He cackled, but pulled it together at Virgil’s disapproving glare.   
“Come on, you know I didn’t mean to actually hurt you. I just wanted to stir up a little trouble. Things were getting too quiet, too buddy buddy. It was time to shake things up a bit.”   
“Riiiight. And nearly destroying Thomas’s mind was your way of doing that?” His face actually clouded over for a moment, a flash of regret? Remorse?   
“I didn’t think he’d actually get that far! I figured everyone would start squabbling and fighting among themselves way before it got to that, and you already knew what was going down, you’d busted out Dee! Besides, it was go with the flow or drown in the tide and I…” He was silent for a moment, a rare thing for Remus. “If I’d said no, refused to go along, I didn’t have anyone who would come if I called. Not you, not even…” He didn’t say it, but it was clear what he was thinking.   
If he’d been in the same situation as Milo, and called for help, not even his brother would have come. It sent a pang through Virgil, pity, guilt, almost, for knowing what Remus had said was true. He wouldn’t have helped, had it been Remus. He’d have thought it was better for everyone, that he was contained, that he was no longer a threat. Just like Roman had thought of Milo, before he’d gotten to know him a bit more.   
“Ree…” It was his old nickname, one Virgil had seldom used. It shook Remus out of his thoughts, and he flashed him a devilish smile that was lacking something of its usual flare.   
“But hey, I’m used to being on my own, y’know? Where’s the fun in escaping if you don’t have an ultimatum hanging over your head? Besides, it’d be too boring without you and Dee hanging around, and who would I annoy without the others? I’m glad you guys all ended up still kicking. Tell bro I said hi, would ya? He doesn’t seem to hear when I knock.” Remus tried to laugh off that last sentence, but Virgil could see the way his shoulders rose, his eyes shifted towards Roman’s door, and it occurred to him for the first time that maybe he was just a little… lonely.   
He’d been part of Roman once. No, that wasn’t right. That was doing him a disservice, as if he were lesser, just some offshoot. It was so much more than that. He and Roman had been the same once. The closest word for what they were now was twins, but it ran deeper than that. There was a need, a desire, to be close to each other, something that called out between the two, something empty in losing an entire half of yourself because someone else was afraid of you. Then to be shoved to the side and ignored as if you’d never mattered in the first place, the cast off, the reject, the screw up no one wanted… it must have been hard. More than hard, heart breaking, to then have that other half of you completely reject you, hate you, and take all the attention for himself.   
“Wait.” Impulsively, he reached out right as Remus was about to vanish, catching hold of his hand. He sucked in a breath, startled at himself, and Remus seemed to freeze, unsure. He wondered how long it had been since someone had held his hand, patted him on the back, hugged him, given him any kind of the small affections he took for granted daily. He wondered how much of that fed into his attitude.   
“I know I don’t… agree with… most of your ideas. But that’s not what you are. At least, not all of what you are. You make me nervous. Anxious, I guess, more than normal, because your ideas, make me anxious. Some are… pretty far out there, but others, well, you do have good ideas. Spooky stuff, scary stuff… death… it’s not… bad. Just different. It’s not… not as scary, now, I guess. It matters. Just like Roman’s fantasies matter, so do yours. So do… you, Ree. I was so afraid of everything I used to be, I pushed all of you into that box of “bad” or “evil”. But you’re not. You’re just… you.” Remus managed to look surprised, vulnerable, sad, hurt, happy all in the blink of an eye before his normal sharp toothed smile returned.   
“Virgil, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get in my pants. You can just ask.” Virgil rolled his eyes, kicking back against the wall.   
“There are ideas you can keep to yourself y’know.” He replied mildly, realizing that was Remus’s way of deflecting, of trying to joke.   
“Where’s the fun in that?” Virgil let out an exasperated sigh, but he was half smiling.   
“Look, all I’m saying is… my door’s open, I guess. Not for playing tricks or skulking around and scaring the hell out of me like you used to, but if you ever want to talk or just… just want some company. Or somewhere to go. Since, y’know, Dee’s not over there anymore.” He was trying hard not to turn red in a blush. He hated talking feelings, especially with Remus, who loved nothing more but to warp them.   
“That is a dangerous offer, Virgil, and you know it. Letting me in whenever I like, I could take advantage.” His words weren’t a threat, exactly, more of a probe. He recognized that tone from when he’d threatened Thomas. It was fear covering hope, trying to set yourself up for failure before you’d even given yourself a chance. His eyes were guarded when Virgil met them.   
“Yeah. You could. But I’m choosing to let you in anyways. Besides, helps I know now I could totally kick your ass.” Virgil replied, dark violet flaring around his hands, eyes flashing for just a moment. It was as idle a threat as Remus’s, and they both knew it. Not that either would admit it. Remus barked out a laugh.   
“Can’t argue with that, can I? In that case, suppose I’ll see you around.” He said it like a question, a real smile playing across his face, not his twisted grin of mischief.   
“Up to you, Ree. And I s’pose you might as well call me Virg. Everyone else does, anyway.” He replied, pushing back his hair. Remus gave a nod, disappearing in bright flash, though not gone. Virgil could feel eyes on him as he walked the last few steps to Logan’s room, slipping in without knocking. Still, he had a feeling it would be quiet the rest of the night.  
He closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. He’d been fairly sure he was on solid ground, talking to Remus, but it was impossible to know with him. He was so completely unpredictable, and Virgil realized he was shaking. It was true he didn’t find Remus or any of them as scary, anymore, but it was hard to fight against all the instincts telling him to run.  
“Virgil! What are you doing here?” He gave a wry smile at Logan’s confused and perturbed voice.   
“What, not even a hello, Teach? Wander all the way down here and don’t even get a proper greeting?” He replied sarcastically. “Anyway, I came to check on you, for once. You’re the one with the whole sleep schedule thing, so I thought I’d see why you weren’t sleeping, since I couldn’t sleep.” He explained, pushing off from the floor and sitting on Logan’s bed.   
His room was fairly plain, overall. A chalkboard hung on one wall, some motivational posters that looked like they belonged in a school, a calendar hung above his desk with all the schedule info you could dream of. The carpet was thick and soft, a deep green, the wall a plain beige. He repressed a smirk as he saw Logan was wearing his pajama cat onesie.   
“Yes, yes, all of that. But what are you doing wandering out there on a night like this? Especially given your last encounter with The Duke! What if he had hurt you!?” Virgil snorted.   
“I’d like to see him try. He saw what I was capable of. He’s wild, not stupid. And anyway, I don’t think he really meant to hurt me. You know how he is, Logan. And you still haven’t answered my question! Why are you up?” Logan adjusted his glasses, clearly biting back frustration.   
“I was monitoring the situation to make sure nothing got out of hand, considering recent events. I was trying to make sure he wasn’t distressing you or Patton too much. Evidently you decided to charge right at him.” Logan swiveled in his rolling chair, eyeing Virgil, who shrugged.   
“You’re the one who told us he’s not all that scary, in reality. It’s just like Roman, belief feeds into his power. If you know what you’re seeing isn’t real, then it doesn’t hurt you.”   
“That was true, yes. But a lot has changed since that discussion. I’m… not entirely sure that assumption was correct.” He pushed up his glasses, and Virgil leaned forwards, resting his chin on his hands.   
“All right Teach, spill it. What’s got your tie all knotted up?” Logan looked at him with that befuddled stare he only assumed for expressions. “What’s the matter? Why’s it not true anymore, according to you?” He looked away.   
“I am not having this conversation.”   
“Oh, seriously? You are or I’m going back out there right now and chumming it up with Remus!” He neglected to mention that he was now on good terms with him, or at least, as good a ground one could get with him.   
“You’re not. And I don’t care. I am logic, I do not let emotions cloud my judgement or conclusions, unlike some sides.” Virgil flinched at his words, body language instantly shifting to closed, leaning back and folding his arms, eyes guarded. Logan immediately felt regret.   
“I didn’t mean it like that, Virg. I just meant I’m supposed to be the one who sees through the illusions and keeps a level head. I can’t do that if I’m blinded by… by pesky things like emotions.” He said, reaching out to Virgil. He was confused when Virgil smirked, eyes flashing, folding his legs and leaning forwards once again.   
“Boom. Right there.” Logan was deeply confused at the triumphant shift in Virgil’s tone, when he had seemed so upset mere seconds ago.   
“I don’t follow.”   
“You said something unintentionally mean. I acted hurt by it. You immediately explained yourself, apologized in the way you do, reached out to make sure I was alright. You care, Teach. You can pretend you don’t, but I know that you do. You made me promise to hold on, to not give up on myself. Do you know how many times that’s brought me back? Kept me going? You were the one at my bedside when I woke up. You were the one who threw me a surprise party. You’re the one who got me back in my room, who punched Mi in the face for showing up after everything. You are the one who notices every time I start getting too worked up or nervous, even when I’m hiding it the best I can. You haven’t been sleeping all night because you’re trying to make sure no one gets hurt. So stop pretending like you’re a robot and let yourself have feelings.” Logan realized he was gaping at Virgil like a fish out of water, and snapped his mouth closed.  
“You really need to stop spending so much time with Milo.” He grumbled, leaning back in his chair, folding his arms.   
“Yeah, whatever. Now tell me.” He clenched his jaw for a moment, and Virgil was suddenly sure he was about to get kicked out by Logan. But after a long moment, he simply let out a breath and deflated, fiddling with the zipper of his onesie.   
“I knew what Despair was showing me was a lie. Logically, it had to be. Patton was out of my sights for mere seconds, and I’d have known if he’d-“ he took another breath before continuing. “I knew it wasn’t real. But I didn’t believe that.” Virgil was still, silent.  
He hadn’t known what the others had seen, in the kind of mind prisons the other Sides had trapped them in. He knew from Mi it wasn’t pretty, but he hadn’t elaborated more than that. He’d guessed it was bad, from how much it took out of Mi to help break them.   
“knew it wasn’t real, but didn’t believe that.” Virgil repeated, wracking his brain. Why did that sound so familiar?   
“Yes, that is what I said. Were you worried you didn’t hear me correctly?” Logan asked, and Virgil’s eyes lit up.  
“Yes, I mean, no. I mean…that’s… I know exactly what that is. Feels like, I mean.” Logan blinked in confusion.   
“What?” Was his confused reply. Virgil smiled wryly.   
“When I get… bad. Like, panic attack levels of bad. I know, I totally know, that what I’m feeling isn’t real. I know there’s no reason to panic. That my heart shouldn’t be racing. That there’s nothing actually going to hurt me. That I’m perfectly safe and fine and protected. I know whatever I’m freaking about doesn’t warrant that measure of response. I know it isn’t that bad. But I can’t come out of it, I can’t make my brain realize that, I can’t… I can’t force myself to believe it. It’s like I’m stuck in my own head.” He hadn’t realized he’d pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them until Logan sat down on the bed beside him.   
“I felt powerless. I was watching you all, over and over, and you were looking to me for help, to know what to do, to get you out of there, because I was supposed to know things. But I couldn’t save anyone. I couldn’t help, I just had to sit there and watch-“ He broke off, adjusting his glasses with a shaky hand.   
“It’s ok, Lo. You don’t have to be put together all the time. You’re allowed to feel things. You’re not a machine, Teach. You talk all of us down often enough, we owe you a few. You just can’t let yourself dwell on it. Which I know is easier said than done, but you have to look at it, hard and close. You have to let yourself feel miserable, to let it suck, to be upset, until looking at it doesn’t make you afraid anymore. Until you can make yourself believe it’s not real.” He leaned against Logan, feeling his low laugh in his chest.   
“Never thought I’d need anti-anxiety advice from you, Virg.” Virgil grinned.   
“I didn’t think I’d be giving it. Bit fun, teaching you something, Teach. Usually you’re the one who knows everything. I s’pose this is just my specialty.” They sat there in silence together for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts but liking the company. Eventually, Virgil stood, stretching.   
“Well, I should get going. Since you seem to be back to your old self. Get some sleep, would ya, Teach?” Logan nodded, frowning slightly as he looked at the door.   
“I will. You’ll… be alright, getting back?” Virgil let slip his half smile.   
“Yup. I’ve got a feeling it’s gonna be quiet, for a bit. See you tomorrow.” He gave his two finger salute, slipping back out the door.   
It was quiet in the hallway, as he’d expected. The feeling of eyes watching him was gone as well, indicating that this time Remus truly had left the area. He paused outside Patton’s door, listening, but didn’t hear him rustling around. That was good, maybe he’d managed to fall asleep despite the commotion. He was only half surprised when he opened his own door to find Remus sprawled across a neon green bean bag chair that looked so out of place in his room it was absurd.   
“Does no one in this place sleep?” He grumbled, flopping down on his bed and wrapping himself in his blanket nest, propped up on one arm looking over at Remus, who was fiddling with his thumbs.  
“you didn’t know me… us, before the split, right?” Virgil slowly shook his head.   
“No. I knew vaguely of all the sides, but I wasn’t in contact with any of the others.”   
“It’s strange, being one person your whole life, then suddenly being torn in two. There’s still some of that oneness there. But you slowly grow into different people, until one day you’re looking in your own eyes but they show a stranger staring back at you with disgust and hate.” His voice was mostly even, flat, but tinged with nostalgia. Idly he played with a knife, throwing it in the air and catching it.   
“But it was fine at first, right? I remember hearing about the split, but you didn’t show up at Dee’s until later.”   
“It was strange, but it didn’t feel much different. We were close then, close enough it almost felt like neither of us had lost anything. We’d go exploring in the mind, we’d invent stories, Roman creating the heroes and I creating the monsters. But eventually… well. When there’s suddenly two of you, one who creates heroes and rainbows and one who creates chaos and destruction, it’s not hard to pick a favorite. I was pushed aside, ignored, more and more, so I got louder and louder. Then Roman confronted me and said I was going too far, and maybe it would be better for everyone if I just left, and I got mad and I lost control… I suppose they would say I just finally showed my true colors. That I was a danger to everyone, if I could hurt my own self like that. There was no fixing it, the way they looked at me… I’d made myself the villain. I’d become what they feared and because they’d feared me, I’d become it. So I showed up at the Darkside, at Dee’s, cause where else do you go, when the rest of the mind is tired of playing with you?” Virgil was holding his breath. He’d never heard this story before, never heard anything personal about Remus before.   
“I’m… sorry.” He reached out, half surprised when Remus didn’t pull away, instead holding his hand, without any of the usual jokes or lewd comments that would accompany such a gesture. Just a small smile.   
“Kinda like old times, huh?” Remus commented. He looked hurt for a moment as Virgil pulled his hand away, but a second later a pillow was chucked at him, along with a blanket.   
“yeah, except I’m not terrified of you anymore. If you’d told me any of that before, maybe I wouldn’t have been, y’know.” Virgil replied snorting at Remus’s surprise as he wrapped himself up in the blanket.   
“I do have a reputation to uphold, Virgil. Can’t slack off too much. Besides, it was fun, right?”   
“Sure.” He replied, rolling his eyes, settling in himself.   
“You don’t mind, if I sleep over?”   
“I wouldn’t have thrown a pillow at your head if I wasn’t. Now shut up and go to sleep before Logan comes yelling about why I’m not asleep yet.”   
“… G’night.” Remus’s voice sounded small. Virgil smiled under his covers.   
“Night, Ree. See you tomorrow.”


	2. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Virgil's sleepover continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't really expecting to write another chapter to this, but I've got a ton of ideas now, so we'll see where this goes!

Virgil woke gasping, covered in cold sweat, to someone shaking his shoulders. He flinched back at the almost neon green eyes so close to his face, fear flooding his body and freezing him in place for a moment. Then he registered the concern and hesitancy in the eyes staring back at him, and the previous night came flooding back. He let out a long, huge breath, raking his hands through his hair as the adrenaline faded away.   
“What time is it?” He croaked out, clearing his throat once.  
“Too early for this shit, I’ll tell you that.” Remus replied, making Virgil half smile despite himself.   
“Tell me something I don’t know.”   
“Alright, it’s 3am.” Virgil groaned, leaning back against the headboard.   
“So, what was that, then? Happen often?”  
“Just a nightmare. And yeah. You oughta know about them, being dark creativity and all.” Remus’s face fell a moment.   
“It wasn’t because of me, right? Being in here?” His voice held sincere worry, and he tugged at his sleeve cuffs, much like Mi always tugged at his gloves.   
“Nah, don’t think so, anyway. Happens enough without you running amuck. That wasn’t even a really bad one, anyway. Can’t remember the details.” Virgil replied, nearly jumping out of his skin at a knock on the door.   
“Wow, not that bad, huh?”   
“Shut up. We could both get in trouble for you being in here if that’s Princey.” Virgil whispered, lightly shoving Remus for his remark. “Who is it?” He called in a louder voice, managing to keep it from trembling, at least.   
“Virg? You ok?” He swore silently to himself. Patton, of course it was Patton. He was the most sensitive to all of their moods, and of course the most sensitive to Remus’s exploits.   
“You, stay right there!” Virgil hissed at Remus, going to the door and cracking it open an inch.   
“I’m fine, Pat. I was with Logan earlier. Thought about stopping to check on you, but I thought you were asleep.”   
“I was. But I just got this feeling I should check on you.”   
“I had a nightmare. That’s all. Nothing too bad, I’m fine, really.” Patton gave him a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.   
“Ok. See ya tomorrow, kiddo.” He turned and padded back down the hall, and Virgil closed the door after a moment, biting his lip, wondering if he should go after him.  
“Well the cinnamon bun seems on edge.” Remus said lazily from his bean bag chair. Virgil rubbed his face.   
“Can you blame him? The last time he met all of you he got imprisoned in some mindscape hell. I’m sure you getting back out is making him worry about all of the others getting out. It’s making me worry about all the others getting out.” He muttered, sitting back down on the bed and pulling his knees to his chest.   
“Come on, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. So you saw your friends die once or twice, what’s the big deal? It’s the mindscape. Nothing here actually stays injured or whatever for long.” Remus replied, biting into a stick of deodorant.   
“Where did you- whatever. And we can’t die from physical wounds, but that doesn’t stop them from being real, or hurting. Or scaring them.” He finished softly, thinking of his conversation with Logan. “It rattled Teach. What he saw. And he’s the one who handles anything more your speed the best.” Virgil pointed out. Remus spat out his deodorant, coughing.   
“It freaked out the nerd alert? Damn. Didn’t think anything got to that guy.”   
“See, that’s the problem. It doesn’t freak you out. But that doesn’t make everyone else a wimp or something for finding it scary. It’s… it’s part of what you lost, I think, when you and Roman… happened.” Remus hesitated.   
“Maybe. Or maybe all you losers need to get out and about a bit more, get Thomas on the dark web, that’d open up your eyes!” Virgil rolled his eyes.   
“I’m sure that would calm Patton down immensely, yes, looking at whatever creeptastic shitty people are on the dark web and chatting with them. We’re trying to get everyone back on their feet, not traumatize them further.”   
“So, what did he see?” Remus asked, too carelessly for it to be a nonchalant question.   
“What?”   
“I mean, I didn’t put you in a mind prison cause of your voodoo or whatever, but all the others did. So what did everyone see?” Virgil rolled his shoulders uncomfortably.   
“I… don’t have all the details. I know Logan saw us all trapped in these different escape rooms, I guess you’d call them, and he was supposed to be guiding us out but nothing in his control room worked, it was all useless. We were begging for help and he couldn’t do anything. That was Despair’s work.” He glanced at Remus, who was idly picking at the label on his deodorant, but clearly listening intently.   
“Wrath went after Patton. I know he saw all of us fighting each other, but I don’t know more than that. I can imagine it… wasn’t pretty and Pat doesn’t like even verbal disagreements, so physical fighting... and Envy didn’t get a chance to go at Roman, before Milo showed up. And then you tossed me in the bottom of the Unconscious. And I was temporarily actually brain dead later, after locking all you guys away, so that’s a bonus one, I suppose.”   
“I didn’t know that. I mean, I felt it, but I didn’t know that’s what it was until I overheard Thomas talking to someone about it, probably Roman, I can pick up on him sometimes, like that.” Virgil shrugged.   
“It didn’t… feel like I thought it would. Dying. I just got really dizzy then there was just… nothing. Endless, nothing. Then voices and… and a vague sense of things. It didn’t hurt, really. It just… ended. Not like one of your fantasies, I bet. Not enough blood and gore for you.” Virgil said, smile not reaching his eyes.  
“Virgil… listen. I’m a fan of death and violence, in general, but not specifically anyone actually dying. Do I love watching someone bleed out from every orifice screaming in terror as they writhe on the floor? Yes, yes, I do. But I wouldn’t want that to actually happen to any of you. I enjoy playing around, messing with you guys, watching you scream and squirm a bit, but I don’t want… any permanent damage.” Remus said, shifting onto the bed, next to Virgil, who looked down at his blanket, fiddling with it in his fingers.   
“I know, Ree. I wouldn’t have let you in here if I didn’t believe that, now at least.”   
“And I also know some bullshit when I hear it, so what was this nightmare really about?” Virgil snorted, but leaned against Remus anyway.  
“It was just… I was stuck. In that nothingness. I could hear Patton panicking and Logan trying to… to fix me, and Roman falling apart and Dee begging me to hold on but I couldn’t say anything, or move, and just slipped further and further into this emptiness until it just… swallowed me. I lost myself, lost everything, just… cold and numb and blank.” He’d wrapped his arms around his knees again, feeling small. That vast empty blank space was terrifying to him. He felt Remus pull him a little closer, wrap an arm around his shoulders, and despite himself he huddled closer to the chaotic side.   
“I know I’m not exactly the most stable person, but I promise I won’t let them hurt you again, Stormcloud. I didn’t really want to be involved in the first place, and I certainly never meant for them to win, anyway.”   
“Stormcloud?” He asked, real smile on his face as he looked up at Remus.   
“What? You’re always wearing that sweater with it on. And nothing describes you better, my brooding little emo.” He replied, gently noogying his head.   
“Hey, shove off!” Virgil laughed, catching Remus’s proud smile at having cheered him up.   
“You know we’re gonna have to get the others on board, if you’re gonna be hanging around like a regular thing.”  
“Do you want it? To be a regular thing, I mean?” Remus asked.   
“I mean… as long as you behave, knock off Beetlejuice.”   
“Big oof, homie brosef.”   
“Ohmygod how is that the most terrifying thing you’ve done all evening?” Virgil asked, “that was worse than Teach with his flash cards, I swear.” He let out a yawn, snuggling against Remus’s side without thinking. He felt the side freeze for a moment, unsure, before wrapping his arms around Virgil. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this close to someone, been allowed to hug someone.   
“Stormcloud?”   
“Hmm yeah?” Virgil asked, eyes closed.   
“Do you want me to… to move, or something?” Virgil shook his head, peeking his eyes open at Remus.   
“Does it look like I want you to move?” He mumbled. “if I wanted you to move, I wouldn’t be practically laying on you.”   
“Oh. Right.” Virgil let out a small laugh.   
“It’s fun seeing you all out of sorts for once.”   
“Me? Never!” Remus scoffed jokingly, bright eyes watching Virgil fall asleep, curled up against him like a cat. He understood, easily understood, why Deceit chose Virgil over the rest of them, why all the other sides accepted Virgil so easily, nowadays. He’d grown so much from the scared little pup he’d known, into someone who was brave and smart and kind. Willing to let him in, even after doing nothing to deserve it. Somehow Virgil had known that maybe this was exactly what he’d needed, someone to just… be his friend.  
“I wonder if you know how incredible you are, Stormcloud.” Remus murmured, tucking his head against Virgil’s shoulder and closing his eyes, realizing for the first time how touch starved he’d been, determined to keep any nightmares from finding Virgil for the rest of the night.


	3. Pep Talk from Patton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton checks up on our favorite snake boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting back in the groove of it, guys!

“Please. Stop.” His voice pleaded through the dark, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t make himself stop.   
“Milo. It’s ok. Just stop.” Gold was pouring from his hands, dripping down his wrists, streaking down his cheeks. It was up to his knees, flooding the room, drowning them all.   
“I can’t… I don’t know why…” He whispered, hugging himself, sinking to his knees. He was drowning in his own despair, in his own power, in his own faults.   
He was arrogant and loud and too sure of himself, he was false and facetious and couldn’t say anything true. He was a danger, he was a threat, he was a nuisance.   
“It’s ok, Mi. Just let it go.” Virgil’s hands were on his face, tilting his chin so he looked into his mismatched eyes, marked by Milo’s own power, he could see himself reflected in those eyes.   
He was so kind. He was so bright. He was so much better than anything he’d ever be, why did he even try, why did he even do anything, he ruined it always. He was cracking, leaking, freezing them with fear and their own lies. His own endless lies.  
“I’m sorry.” He exploded with gold, heard their screams, felt them devoured by his power, felt them washed away until he was left alone in darkness, the only thing left.  
He’d killed them. All of them. It was his fault, his fault, how could he ever make this better, how could he ever forgive himself, how could he ever begin to fix this, how could he ever, ever, make this right, what was the point, why why why whywhywhyw why WHY-  
He woke up, a scream echoing through the room for a moment before he realized it was his and swallowed it down, deep inside himself. He hated it. Hated that it got to him so much, hated that it got under his skin, hated showing any vulnerability, hated… sometimes… himself.   
Thomas had made it sound so easy, to just let go of the guilt and the pain he’d caused everyone, to just forgive himself and start over, but it wasn’t that easy, he’d been an idiot to think it would be that easy.   
He let out a low, shuddering breath, pushing himself up off the couch he’d collapsed into to sleep. He headed to his kitchen, making coffee, sitting at the island and blowing on it to cool it. There was the communal living space, of course, but he still felt strange using it, strange being accepted as family by the other sides.  
“We are A OK.” He muttered to himself, wincing as he scalded his tongue. He put the cup down with a scowl, hating how his hand shook, before dropping his head onto the stone counter top with a groan.   
“Milo? Thought I heard something so decided to come check on you? I brought cookies!” He groaned again, snapping his fingers to make the door open.   
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Patton peek his head through the door, holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies, looking around curiously. He remembered again that Patton was the side who had visited his room the least.   
“You can come in, Pat, I’m not going to bite.” He winced, his voice sounding dejected even to him.  
“You look terrible. Are you ok?” Patton asked, coming over and putting the plate down on the island.   
“Yes.” He winced again, rubbing his face. “no.” He muttered. His impulse to blurt out lies grew stronger when he was upset. A defense mechanism, he supposed, as annoying as that could be at times.   
“Ok. Well, what’s on your mind?” Patton asked, sliding into a seat across from Milo, propping his chin on his hands. Now that he looked at him, Pat didn’t look much better than he did.  
“I… spoke with Thomas.”   
“uh huh, and?” Milo shrugged.   
“And what? He did exactly what you would expect him to do. Be unreasonably understanding and completely too forgiving and unrelentingly kind!” Patton cocked his head, confused.   
“Isn’t that good? He wasn’t angry, was willing to hear you out and work things out?”   
“I don’t know! It would have been easier if he were angry, it would have been better if he were angry.”   
“What? Why?”   
“Because then I could have been the bad guy which is the only thing I know how to do!” Milo shouted slamming his hands on the table, realizing he had stood so fast his chair had flown out from under him. He let out a long breath, hanging his head and closing his eyes.   
“I say I’m ok. I smile. I laugh. I joke with Virgil. I debate with Logan. I tease Roman. I avoid you, because I still make you uncomfortable. I say I’m ok. I tell myself I’m fine. I tell myself I get enough sleep. I tell myself the nightmares aren’t that bad. I tell myself I’m not a terrible friend. I tell myself everything is going to be ok. I tell myself that since Thomas and all of you have forgiven me, I’ve forgiven myself. That I can let go of that guilt and that fear and that ever present part of me that’s waiting for the next disaster. And I tell myself every time I say those things, I believe them a little more.” His hands were gripping the edge of the table so tight his knuckles were turning white. “I. Lie. It’s what. I do.” He said each of those last words clearly, feeling them fill the room, fill his chest.   
There was a long silence. He was waiting for the sound of retreating footsteps, of his door slamming closed, of Patton to flee.   
“Aw geez, kiddo. Stop being so silly.” That was the last response he’d expected. His eyes flew open and he gaped at Patton, spluttering at his response.   
“Silly? How is this silly? I nearly killed Virgil, I nearly tore apart this whole place I-“   
“No. You didn’t. Know what you did do? You set aside your differences with Roman to help all of us. You used your power to fight back against the other sides. You kept us from losing Virgil, and cared for him while he recovered. You learned. You admitted you were wrong and you learned from your mistakes and you grew from them. You’re not the same person who taunted us all in a courtroom, or pretended to be me for a whole video. You’re better than him. You’re smarter than him. You’re braver than him. That’s what Thomas sees. That’s why he forgave you for everything else. That’s why I did, too.”  
“… patton your naivete astounds me. People don’t change. People just put on different masks and hope no one else sees through them.” Patton smiled smally, shaking his head.   
“You don’t really believe that anymore. If you did, I wouldn’t be in here bringing you cookies because you had a nightmare.” Milo let out a sigh, sinking back down into his chair.   
“How do you know? How do I know, I’m so good at lying what if all this is a lie? What if I’m just biding my time and sooner or later, I won’t be able to contain it all? What if I just… snap?”   
“You won’t. Because we all believe in you. We’re all here for you. And I trust you, Mi. You won’t hurt us. Not when you’ve fought so hard to keep us all safe.”  
Milo opened his mouth to respond, but before he could Patton grabbed a cookie and shoved it into his mouth. He made a surprised noise, chewing.   
“These are mph, really good.” He commented, trying to keep the cookie from crumbling apart completely.   
“Of course they are, I made them myself! Cookies make everything better!” Milo let out a chuckle, wiping crumbs from his face.   
“You’re not wrong, Pat. About the cookies, at least.” He replied, grabbing another one from the plate.   
“Was it cause of Remus?” Milo dropped the cookie, freezing.   
“What?”   
“He was out last night. Doing his thing. You didn’t notice?”   
“I’m used to it, I suppose. We were… close, for a while. I’m not as disturbed by his presence as you are. Virgil-“   
“is fine. I checked on him earlier. And he talked to Logan last night too.” Milo nodded, biting into the cookie.   
“ok. He can handle it. If something happens, he can handle it.”   
“yeah? You alright now, kiddo?” Patton asked, hopeful eyes on him.   
“I’m… better.” He replied, smiling slightly.   
“Good. Come hang out today?” Patton asked, grabbing a cookie himself, “there’ll be more of these!” he cajoled.   
“I will.” Patton smiled, giving him a quick hug before skipping out the door, faster than Milo had time to react to being hugged. He took another bite of the cookie, smiling after Patton.   
“Pep talks. Who knew?” He muttered, only now realizing he’d completely forgotten to ask how Patton himself was doing.


	4. Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remus hanging out, and someone else decides to show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keeping it going guys!

“Yeah, well, my king has staged a bloody coupe and beheaded yours on the guillotine!”   
“That is not how chess works.”   
“It is now!” the board was flipped and pieces went flying, much to the amusement of Virgil and the exasperation of Logan.   
“Well, so much for that game.”   
“No, ok, know what we gotta teach him? D and D. Like, how have we not done that yet?” Virgil asked, from where he was laying upside down off his bed, scrolling through his phone.   
“Oh, Duke and Dick? I like it already.” Virgil snorted, and Logan adjusted his glasses.   
“Really this impossible.” Logan muttered.   
“No, it’s a fantasy roleplaying game. You get to come up with a character with a backstory and there’s all these different powers or abilities you could have, and it’s all basically imagination. You pretty much get to do whatever you want.”   
“Your character’s main weapon would be a Morningstar, presumably.” Logan replied.   
“Oh, he’s so playing a bard.” Logan gave Virgil a look, a don’t start please look, but he ignored it.   
“Ooohhh, that sounds interesting! What’re they?” Remus’s face came into view as he plopped down on the bed next to Virgil, laying upside down with him.   
“They’re like the performers. They’re mostly support for the team but they use music as their main weapon. They can insult people and do physical damage. Also, they have a reputation for being horny. Like, reaaaally horny. So, y’know, perfect fit.”   
“That does sound like me. So I could fuck the dragon witch?” Logan let out a strangled sound of disapproval, but Virgil just raised an eyebrow.   
“Like you haven’t already?” Remus threw back his head and laughed at that, slinging an arm around Virgil’s shoulders.   
“Good one, Stormcloud. But don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.” He whispered in Virgil’s ear, and Virgil jerked back.  
“Ew, did you just lick me???” He sat up properly, scrubbing his ear with his sweater sleeve.   
“Maybe. Wanna do it again?” Remus asked with a wink.   
“Jesus Christ.” Logan muttered, wondering how he’d gotten roped into being the first one Virgil tried to reintroduce Remus to. Probably because he was the one least likely to lose his mind being around the side, but still, his chaos was grating on his sense of order and, well, logic. Honestly, he was a bit surprised that Virgil had even tried to make up with Remus, or that they’d seemingly grown such comradery between them, but he supposed he shouldn’t be.   
Virgil was so much stronger now, holding himself back less and less, reaching out and exploring more and more. It made Logan… proud. He was proud of him. He’d once been terrified of Remus, and now they were playing, well, attempting to play, boardgames in his room together.   
It was, as the kids would say, a complete dumpster fire. But he had to admit that it seemed everyone was having… fun. And it was, fun, that is, to see Virgil so at ease, joking and laughing and taking it all in stride. And he had to admit, Remus was, of course, Remus, but he wasn’t nearly as violent towards Logan as he had been in their last encounter. If he recalled correctly, he’d thrown a ninja star at his head and torn out two of his teeth and stuffed them into his nose. He wondered if Remus had needed someone, anyone, to reach out to. He couldn’t stop being what he was, of course, but that didn’t mean he was inherently bad. Logan had always understood that, and it seemed Remus himself was starting to understand it too.   
“I thought Patton was the one who prayed, all forgive me daddy, I’ve been naughty.” Remus did a high pitched voice, getting on his knees and batting his eyelashes up at Logan.   
“What the hell?” Virgil asked, giggling despite himself.   
“I believe it is a distressing translation of forgive me father, for I have sinned. I use the name in exasperation and disbelief, while Patton uses it in a more spiritual manner.” Logan replied, once again adjusting his glasses. Remus pouted.   
“Always taking the fun out of things, aren’t you, Lo?”   
“I do what I can yes.” He replied dryly, smiling. Remus gasped, flying to his feet.   
“You just joked! Virgil, did you see that, he made a joke! I’m so proud, he’s finally learning!” Remus squealed, dramatically wiping a tear away from his eye.   
“You’re such a dork, Ree.” Virgil replied, laughing, both at Remus’s remark, and the simultaneously offended and almost proud look on Logan’s face.   
“Wonder who I learned that from, totally couldn’t be a certain little gothy spider boy, hmmm?” He teased.   
“Was no one going to invite me to this little game night?” They all froze, that old terror flooding through Virgil. It was the coldness to his voice, the smooth aspect he’d always acquired while taunting him, the slyness he used in the courtroom.   
“Well, I’ll be going, now that Milo is here to babysit the two of you.” Logan cleared his throat awkwardly, slipping out the door and leaving the three of them alone in the now icy silence.  
“Mi-“ Virgil turned, flinching back under the weight of his glare, those emotionless eyes, before realizing Milo wasn’t looking at him. He was looking past him, over his shoulder at Remus, who was standing stock still, a rare sight.   
“Heya Dee. Just having a little fun…” Remus chuckled nervously, voice a pitch too high even for him.   
“Fun. I’m aware of your idea of fun, yesss.” Milo hissed, eyes narrowing to slits as he snapped his fingers, razor sharp golden thread wrapping itself around Remus’s legs, causing him to yelp and fall to the floor.   
“Milo-“   
“You. Quiet.” Milo demanded, turning his glare on Virgil. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt himself shrinking under that golden stare, his hands trembling as he curled them against his sweater, slouch becoming more pronounced, speechless as Milo turned back to Remus, advancing on him.   
“So, what? Had to tie me up so you can have your way with me?” Remus tried to joke, but his voice was unsteady.   
“Oh I didn’t get a chance to give you a piece of my mind last time. Virgil had already taken care of all of you by the time I got there. Having my way is exactly what I plan on doing.” With a grin that revealed his too sharp canines, Milo yanked, and the strings tightened around Remus, cutting into his skin and causing him to let out a low whimper.   
Virgil was frozen. In his head he saw a golden cobra biting into Roman’s neck, he saw himself filled with devouring light, he saw Patton’s eyes widen in fear as the arrow struck, he saw Dee in the courtroom, threatening to reveal his name, he felt the fury of him when he’d decided to leave, he was small and insignificant and nothing compared to that power.   
“Wasn’t… doing any… harm.” Remus wheezed out, as Milo flicked his hand, slamming him against the wall, now in a standing position.   
“But I am. And you will feel a fraction of the desolation your actions caused us before I’m done with you.” Milo snarled, his anger making his movements more serpentine, smoother and more dangerous. Remus had never seen him quite like this, and he was terrified. Desperately he looked over at Virgil, eyes begging for help, but he seemed to be miles away, like a rabbit who’s been spotted by a wolf.   
“Virg-“ He gasped out, before Milo’s hand was around his throat, lifting him off the ground, against the wall, suffocating him.   
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare get to say his name, after what you did. He was gone, do you even understand that? He was gone and it was your fault!” Milo shouted, and Remus was sure this was it, he was going to snap and there was nothing for it.   
“Dee.” Milo’s head whipped to the side, looking over at Virgil, who hesitantly took a step forwards, wide eyes catching Remus’s for a split second, a flicker of understanding flashing between them. A promise from Virgil that Remus would get out of this alright, a tiny nod from Remus, saying he trusted him.   
“It’s ok. You can put him down. I’m ok.” Milo made a strangled noise.   
“How can you say that? If he hadn’t dumped you down in that damned water I would have been able to stand with you against them, I would have been able to protect you, I would have been able to keep you from-“ He cut himself off, chest heaving, some flicker of light coming back into his empty eyes.   
“You’re right. You would have come with me. But it wouldn’t have changed anything. I was still the only one who could use those chains against them. I was still the only one the mind could draw from to balance it.” Virgil took another step forward, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them from trembling, adrenaline and that ice cold terror spiking through his veins, threatening to freeze him in place again. But he kept going, noticing Milo’s grip had loosened on Remus so the side could at least breathe again.   
“You called me back from the Unconscious. You held onto me. You never give up on me. You always find me, Mi. You know there’s nowhere I can go that you won’t be able to find me, that you won’t be able to follow.” He placed a hand on Milo’s arm, trembling, the fear flooding him until he could barely say another word, but he swallowed it down and kept going.  
“Remus has that too. But Roman wouldn’t have followed. Roman wouldn’t have called him home. No one would have come for him, had they trapped him somewhere. He just had to survive, Mi. I know what that’s like. You do too. But we made things right with each other. He’s making things right with me. Doing right by me. Just like you are. You can let go, Mi. It’s ok if you let go.” Milo gasped, Virgil’s words ringing in his mind, his dream echoing before him, of endless gold, of coldness wiping them all away, and he dropped Remus suddenly, let go of his power, sunk to his knees.   
Virgil let out a shaky breath, legs turning to useless noodles as he sunk down onto his bed. He looked to Remus, who had fallen against the corner of the room by the door, shaky and covered in thin, hairline cuts that tore through his clothing.   
“you ok?” Virgil whispered, unable to find his voice at the moment. Remus nodded, and he let out another long breath, closing his eyes and rubbing his face. Remus looked to Dee, who was on his knees, hands by his side, breathing shallow and face pale. He barely hesitated before scooting over to him.   
“Dee?” Hesitantly, he reached out, placing a hand on his arm. Milo was shaking.  
“sorry. I’m sorry.” He murmured, unable to catch his breath.   
“I am too, Dee. I just… I had to go along and I missed you and you know how I get when I’m trying to get someone’s attention. I didn’t think…” Remus said, earning the tinniest of wry smiles from Milo. “That reaction was really something, by the way. Can’t remember the last time I got that big a rise out of anyone, even Patton.”   
They both jumped as the door opened, and Logan peeked in.   
“Ah, good, everyone’s still alive. Just thought I’d make sure no casualties were sustained.” He looked down at Milo and Remus with an eyebrow raised. “Did you two work things out, or are we still trying to kill each other? I can come back later if you haven’t finished.”   
“No, I think… I think we’re good now, Teach.” Milo replied, getting to his feet, helping up a wincing Remus. Logan tutted at the state of him.   
“We may have put Virgil in a fear coma.” Remus replied, looking at Virgil on the bed, who’s knees were pulled to his chest, hood pulled as tight as it could go around his face.   
“I can hear you.” Came the muffled response.   
“What, can’t take a little friendly almost trying to kill each other between besties? That’s how everyone bonds, right?” Remus replied, but his voice shook. He laughed as Virgil flipped him off, eyes peeking out from the hood.  
“There’s my boy!” Remus exclaimed, shaking off Logan, who was attempting to heal him and instead flopping down on the bed next to Virgil, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.   
“You doing alright, Stormcloud?” Virgil’s eyes flicked between the three other sides, before he simply shrugged, tucking his head down against his knees. “Damn it, Dee, you broke the panic button!” Remus scolded, frowning as he felt just how hard Virgil was shaking.   
“Virgil. Breathe with me, ok?” Logan knelt in front of him, counting his breaths aloud, the pattern of holding and exhaling familiar and comforting, and soon Virgil’s trembling wasn’t quite so bad.   
“sorry.” He mumbled, not emerging from his sweater.   
“it’s my fault. I scared you, didn’t I?” Milo asked, sitting down on Virgil’s other side. Virgil hesitated. He didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want Milo to think he was still scared of him after everything, because he really wasn’t, it was just…   
“yeah. The way… I haven’t seen you like that since… well, it was full on snake mode.” Virgil replied, knowing better than to try and lie. “It was just too much like… like back then. It took me right back to then.”   
“I know. And I was out of line for it. I’m sorry. Will you come out now?” Milo asked, peering into the hood, Virgil’s mismatched eyes barely visible, along with a shaky smile.   
“Hey Ree. If you’re bard, one of your powers could be snake charming.” Virgil said, loosening his hood, but not flipping it down, watching Remus’s face light up as he contemplated the implications.   
“Excuse me, what now?”   
“OH he is getting screwed for sure! What would he be, you think?” Remus asked. Virgil turned, looking appraisingly at Milo.   
“Hmm, maybe a cute little dragonborn. They’ve got the whole scale thing going on.” He replied. “A sorcerer, maybe, or an assassin class.”   
“Oh no, this is a nerd game, isn’t it?” Milo asked, turning to Logan, who shrugged.   
“IT’s EPIC AND I DREW OUR CHARACTERS!” Remus screeched, holding up art that was most certainly not rated PG-13.   
“Wow. Time to scrub my eyes out with soap.” Virgil commented, laughing at the half amused, half disgusted expression on Milo’s face. The three of them, together, laughing. If felt good, Virgil thought, noticing Logan smiling at the antics, catching his eye with a questioning look. Virgil nodded, and Logan smiled, closing the door softly behind him as he left.  
Virgil smiled smally. The three of them together. It felt a bit like coming home.


	5. Brotherly Chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil tries to help Roman and Remus work things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again!

“Virg?” His head snapped up from where he was sitting on the couch, realizing that Roman had been talking to him.   
“Hm? What? Sorry.” He’d been lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to explain everything without Princey losing his shit on him. The last few times he’d tried to tell him something, tried to get him to trust his judgement, it hadn’t… gone well, to say the least.   
“Ok, something is definitely up with you, spill it.” Roman demanded, sliding into the seat next to him on the couch.   
“I… look. You’re not gonna like it, but everything’s totally fine. It’s better, actually, like, a lot better than it had been.”   
“Whatever it is I’m sure I can handle it.” He replied.   
“Surprise! It’s me!” Remus sprang up from behind the couch, making Roman yelp and Virgil jump.   
“Not helping dude.” Virgil said mildly, resisting the urge to face palm. Roman had sprung up, hand on the hilt of his sword, eyes flashing and angry.   
“Virgil…” Roman grit out, “explain.”   
“What bro, not excited to see me? Me and Virgil are buddies now! Isn’t that exciting?” He asked, slinging an arm around Virgil’s shoulder. Roman looked between the two, jaw clenched, and Virgil was sure he was going to snap at him again. Then he let out a long breath, shoulders slumping.   
“Fine.” He said shortly, voice stiff.   
“Fine?” Virgil asked, a bit incredulous.   
“Yes, fine, whatever. I’m not gonna fight with you about it. You know I don’t like it, don’t like… him… but… well. I’m trusting that you know what you’re doing, Virg. I’ve learned to do that much, at least.” He smiled sadly, before sinking back into his room.   
Virgil turned to look at Remus, who at the moment was uncharacteristically silent, looking at the spot Roman had disappeared.   
“Hey. He’ll come around.” Virgil said, knowing that look on Remus’s face, that longing and half remembered sorrow. He wanted Roman’s approval, his love, more than anything else in the world, and every time he was rejected it cut a little deeper.   
“I appreciate the undeserved optimism, Stormy, but I doubt that. You though… you musta done a number on him to get him to accept this so easily. His precious little Virgil, hanging around his evil twin. What a scandal, so dangerous, so risky, yet so easily accepted.”   
“What are you talking about?” Virgil asked, and Remus looked at him, surprised.   
“What d’ya mean, what do I mean? He loves you, it’s all over his face.” Virgil tried to say something, but choked on his own spit and went into a coughing fit.   
“I’m sorry???” He replied, still trying to catch his breath.   
“I mean, it’s not my kind of love, if you catch my drift, or even his overblown sense of romance. It’s just so strong, how could even you be blind to it, when it’s all directed at you? He loves you like-“ Like a brother, is what he’d been about to say. “Anyway, he’s terrified of you being around me, more terrified of you getting in trouble, and absolutely petrified at telling you any of that, in case it pushes you away again.” At this point Virgil was staring agape at Remus, utterly flabbergasted.   
“How do you know? What…”   
“Please, we were the same person once, I can read him like a book, I know all the buttons to press and all the weak spots to hit. You, Virgil, are his weakest spot of all. If I wanted to hurt Princey, deeply and irrevocably, I would hit at you, first. Not helping myself in that department, with the whole tried to drown you thing.” Remus commented. Something popped into Virgil’s mind then, something he hadn’t thought about, that Roman had said recently.   
“He makes fun of things because he loves them.” He muttered, thinking of every time Princey had hit him with a bad pun of a name, he’d made fun of his fashion sense, he’d said something mean or insulting only to be called out by the others and stutter an apology. He didn’t register it as being hurtful, it was how he showed he cared.   
“Now you’re getting it!”   
“Ree-“   
“No need to say thank you, Stormcloud, go work it out for yourself, presumably somewhere else.” Remus winked, vanishing back down behind the couch, leaving Virgil to ponder if he just lurked back there all the time. Before he could overthink it too much, he ran off, to Roman’s room.  
He knocked on the door, but didn’t get a response. He could tell Roman was in there, he sensed a strange aura coming from it… it felt like… he gasped.   
“Despair” He whispered the name, that’s what it felt like, he’d gotten out again, he’d gone after Roman, this nightmare was starting over all over again and this time he didn’t have the power to stop it he had to get in there-   
There were two ways to get into a side’s room. One, they could open up the door and let you in, give you permission to enter. Patton always had his room “unlocked” meaning any side was allowed in at any time. Otherwise a knock was usually all it took to let someone know you wanted in, and they’d let you in.   
Two, you could, with enough power and determination, force your way in. That’s what Virgil did. He sunk down, but instead of going to his room, he focused on Princey’s, on the grand four poster bed, the Disney posters, the training dummy for his sword practice, his old fashioned desk and ink well.   
It felt like swimming through molasses, almost, trying to pop up in another’s sides room without being let in, it was dangerous too, you could get stuck between realms. Then one of the others had to manage to find where you were stuck and pull you out, and that could potentially take days. For a panicked moment he thought that’s what was going to happen, he could see through into Roman’s room, like he could reach out and touch it, like he was pushing up through a plastic bubble but couldn’t quite break through the stretchy material, but he was slowing, losing momentum, couldn’t move. With one last burst of effort, he popped into the room, gasping for air and frantically summoning his golden tinged violet to his fists, scanning the room.   
“Virgil! What the holy hell are you doing!?” Roman. But his eyes couldn’t focus, he’d used up so much energy to get in here, so much determination and pure intense focus. He felt himself swaying, about to fall. He heard the rustle of fabric, then arms caught him, a worried face coming into view.  
“I thought… I felt… Despair…” he panted, heart racing far too fast, leaning into Roman’s embrace, resting his head against the side’s chest, letting out a shaky breath.  
“Easy there, emo. Deep breaths now.” Along with the strain of popping in, there was also the rush of images in his head, brought on by the pure creativity augmenting his already immense catalogue of fears. He shoved them all aside.   
“It’s just me in here, Virg. Well, me and you, now.”   
“I’m not replacing you.” Virgil blurted out, mind still hazy. “I’m not, I mean, me making up with first Milo and now Remus, I’m not pushing you out, or trying to replace you or any of them and I’m not going to leave with them, I’m just adding to our family, I just want them to have a chance to have what we have, I just remember how lonely it was and how it hurts to be pushed aside and I know that’s what Remus feels, all the time and it would help if you would just talk to him, because he misses you, Ro, he misses you so much it actually hurts, and he sees the scorn and the fire and the hate and the fear and it makes him dig further into his hole but if you’d just give him a chance…” Virgil trailed off, light headed from spewing out so many words, and he looked up at Roman, who stared back at him wide eyed. And he realized something.   
“It was you… the despair I was feeling it wasn’t coming from him, it was coming… coming from you.” He reached a hand up, feeling Roman’s cheek, feeling the despair and fear radiating off him in almost tangible waves. “Because of Ree? He’s really not… not all that bad.” He winced, the weight of being in Roman’s room starting to settle on him, make his head pound. Of everyone’s rooms, Roman’s was the one that hit him the hardest, made him spiral the fastest, it was the one room he couldn’t seem to acclimate to.  
“Virg… you’re crying.” Roman reached down, wiping away his tears, so focused on him, concern clear in the set of his mouth, the edges of his eyes. “Let’s get you out of here, back to your room, ok?” Virgil just nodded, closing his eyes, and in a moment, they were sitting on his familiar messy nest of blankets. He let out a breath as some of the tenseness in him eased up, but he was still bone tired, mind scanning for enemies.   
“you’re not gonna lose me, Princey. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t need to be so scared of it. I don’t… this is home. With all of you, it really is home.” Virgil mumbled, eyes drifting shut despite his best attempts at staying awake.  
“I know, I know Virg. It’s ok. Get some sleep, ok? We’ll talk about it when you wake up. I promise.” He let out a small noise of assent, holding tight to his sash as he fell asleep. He let out a breath, feeling the shift, lifting his glare to meet electric green eyes.   
“What did you do?” Roman demanded.   
“Me? Why is it always something I did? I didn’t do anything. You’re the one who wouldn’t let him in cause you were too busy moping. I just told him what you were too afraid to. So, your welcome.” Remus scoffed, leaning back against the wall, eyes flicking down to Virgil. “I mean it, Roman. I don’t mean any harm.”   
“You should have thought about that before you joined up with Despair.” Roman replied, voice hot, and Remus looked away.   
“I didn’t want to. I explained it to Milo, I explained it to Virgil, I don’t know how many times I need to say it, but I didn’t want to be one of them! I just didn’t have any other choice! Who would have helped me, Roman? You? Please. You would have left me at their mercy without a second thought, would have gladly seen me trapped in some mind hellscape. And you know what? Everyone else would have agreed with you! Would have said it were better that I was gone, wouldn’t have missed me at all. No one… not a single person would have cared I was gone. Not Virgil, not Dee, not Logan, not Patton and most of all, most definitely, not you.” Remus seemed smaller, in that moment. It reminded Roman of before, of when they were little, before they’d grown so far apart.   
“I never meant to hurt you or him, or anyone. I just… want to know you, again, Ro.” Roman looked down at Virgil, who had let out a small noise of distress, squeezing his sash tighter.   
“What exactly did you tell him, that sent him to my room all in a tizzy?”   
“Just that you loved him. That you were afraid of losing him to me, to who he used to be. That you didn’t want to tell him and push him away again. I didn’t think you were brooding so hard you’d lock the door.” He scuffed his foot against the floor, smiling smally up at Roman. “Suppose that scared him a little, you don’t usually lock anyone out.” Except me, were the unspoken words. You never hear me knock, you never answer the door, you never let me in. It didn’t matter, Roman could see it in his eyes, could practically read his mind.   
He remembered the day everything had really ended between them. They’d been fighting. That had been happening more and more, their ideas different and conflicting, he didn’t even remember what the specifics were anymore, just that they’d been screaming at each other. Then something had happened, something in Remus had snapped, he’d lost control. Everything had gone dark, gotten twisted. Roman was being dragged down by monstrous shadows, mockeries of dreams he’d had, ideas he’d started, darkness twining around him, eating away at him. He saw heroes being struck down by villains, dragons eating the princesses, witches killing the princes, it was too much, it burned his skin like acid, dissolved his mind like sugar in water, and he’d been sure this was the end. Tentacles had wrapped tight around him, thrown him aside, cracked his bones and bruised his skin. Then the others came to his aid, fought it all back, turned the light back on. He remembered the glare from Logan, the disappointment from Patton, the horror on his own face as they stared down Remus, who was frozen in place. He’d looked at all of them, struggling for words, for something to say, then he fled. To the Dark Side, to Deceit, to the place he belonged.   
Only now Roman realized what the look on Remus’s face had been. Fear, of himself, of what he’d done, that he could do that. It had taken Roman a week to recover, he was weak and broken down and sick. Part of that had been from the darkness and other injuries, but it had also been from losing Remus, for good. He was loathe to admit it, but even when their ideas varied wildly, even when he was afraid of his twin, he felt more whole with him near. And Remus had left so he wouldn’t hurt him again, so he could try and control himself, so he wouldn’t lash out like that without meaning it ever again.   
“I don’t hate you.” Roman said suddenly, almost startling Remus, who met his eyes, searching for something of himself in them, something good. “I was afraid. Of you, of all of them. Because of what you could do, what I’d seen, felt, you do. I was afraid you’d do it again, but not to me, to one of them, and they wouldn’t be able to stand it. But he did. Because he’s stronger than I ever was, and he’s better than I ever was, and he’s braver than I ever was.” Roman took a breath, unable to look away from those wide, so vulnerable eyes, so filled with something almost painful, almost hope.   
“I trust Virgil. And… he trusts you. So, it’ll take some time, but I’m willing to try, y’know? Just… to just try and be, again. Maybe not what we were, but something. Something new, something better, than what it was, that tug of war. Working together, if that’s even possible anymore, I guess.” Roman said, his voice barely a whisper, but Remus heard every word, absorbed every word.   
“ok.” Remus replied, a small smile cracking across his face, a genuine smile, not his usual leer. “Yeah. Sounds good. See… see you soon, then. Bro.” He gave a small wave, then vanished, back to his room perhaps, or to bother someone else in the mindscape. Roman didn’t know. It hit him then that there was a lot he didn’t know about his twin.  
Virgil made another small sound, bringing Roman out of his thoughts, as he shushed the smaller side, stroking his hair. After a moment, Virgil stirred, eyes flickering open, bleary and tired.   
“Ro?”   
“Hey there, feeling better?” He asked, eyes creased in concern.   
“A bit. I…” He closed his eyes, still a bit dizzy.   
“It’s alright, bud. Just take it easy. I know you’re not going anywhere, I know you’re right and he’s just lonely and needs someone. I know you’re reaching out because you understand them. And you’re right, of course. And Remus was right, too. I love you more than anyone because I’ve almost lost you so many times, Virg. And every time I haven’t been able to prevent it.” Roman said, holding Virgil steady. “It’s a miracle you’re still here, and I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t.” He finished softly, unable to meet Virgil’s eyes, feeling his cheeks burning red.   
“You’ve always helped. When Mi’s power was eating away at me, you’re the one who jumped in first, gave me some of your power to fight back his. You’re the one who snapped me out of his spell in the first place, seeing you fighting him. You fought so hard to free me and the others from our mind prisons, you jumped into the unconscious after Mi without a second thought.”   
“But it wasn’t enough. You still were just… gone. You were laying there but you weren’t there at all.” Roman replied, voice gone brittle, like any moment he might crack entirely.   
“You don’t have to be enough all by yourself, Roman. No one is. How many times has Logan had to pull me out of a panic spiral? How many times has Patton had to talk Logan into letting Thomas have some fun? How many times have we had to rein in you and Patton’s enthusiasm for something before you go over the top? None of us can do everything by ourselves. You, what, think you should be able to kick down Despair’s door and single handedly defeat him and his cronies? And that I’m a helpless damsel in distress, who can’t defend himself?” Virgil snorted, “I chose to walk into that clearing alone, Roman. I knew it might not end well, but I knew that Thomas would be better off with them locked back up and me gone, then with me still around but the others in charge. This isn’t one of your fairytales, Roman. We all weigh the risks and rewards and do what’s best. Our opinions of what’s best just… differ, or get clouded, sometimes. And sometimes, you try as hard as you can, and still can’t get anything right. I should know, I’ve done that enough times.” Virgil finished, wry smile on his lips.   
“When did you get so wise, Emo Wan Kenobi?” Roman asked, coaxing a snort out of Virgil.   
“I don’t know. When did you start being a melodramatic music nerd?” Virgil replied sarcastically, but he was smiling.  
“Oh! Virgil you wound me! How shall I go on?” Roman declared, hand dramatically posed against his forehead. Virgil rolled his eyes.   
“Shut up, you big idiot.” Virgil laughed, leaning back against Roman.”   
“I did… we did talk. Remus and I. We’re going to… to try. That’s all I can promise, Virg.” Roman said, voice turning serious once again. Virgil tilted his head back, looking up at Roman’s face.   
“That’s all I’m asking, Ro.” He replied, sighing and tucking his head down against Roman’s chest, eyes slipping closed against his warmth. Roman smiled softly, kissing the top of Virgil’s head, reassuring himself by watching him sleep. He was going to try. For Virgil.


End file.
